I'm thankful/I'm grateful/I love...

So this is different then my usual blogs, but its something I haven't done in far to long.
I am going to list the things I am thankful/I'm grateful/I love with the help of my dear friends, The alphabet. :)

A. Adam Levine
B. Babies
C. Chase Fernandez
D. The Dentist
E. My Eyes
F. Family
G. Girls Nights
H. Heros
I. Irony
J. Joy in My Life
K. Kodak Moments
L. LiveLavaLive
M. Moms
N. Netflix
O. The Ocean
P. Puzzles
Q. Quilts
R. Remixes
S. Sisters
T. Tenderness
U. Understanding
V. The Voice
W. Water
X. The X-Factor
Y. YouTube
Z. Denver Zoo

What is love?

With people "falling in love" like its going out of style these days its hard to differ what love really is. If you Google "What is love" the results are overwhelming and they are all different, one comparison of 'love' that I found and thought couldn't be more true is from the Urbandictionary.com, "Lust is the desire of their body, Love is the desire of their soul."
According to Websters Dictionary love is, 1. to hold dear 2. to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for 3. to desire actively 4. to thrive in

I believe love should be selfless, you should be willing put that person far above you and their needs above yours, willing to commit all that you have to that one person for the rest of your life, willing to sacrifice all you've ever wanted but in turn not having to. The word love is said like its nothing, the meaning of love has been misunderstood for sometime now, its up to us to show the world what love really is.

Here are some definitions of love, 

"Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you and trusting they wont."

"Love is, commitment." 

"Love; a word used by many, but understood by few."

"Love; the desire to learn"

"Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. 

It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

1 Cor 13:4-7

Pride.

Pride; A feeling of dignity, self-respect; satisfaction in your achievements, possessions, or people you care about. 

I have been reflecting on a few different sides of pride today, Pride has such a natural dislike to it but after today I have remembered pride doesn't always have to be so bitter. There is nothing wrong in having pride in someone you love, or being proud of something you have accomplished. Its what you do with pride that makes people like or dislike the pride you have.

My baby sister left for Joplin, Missouri last night to do relief work and for the next week and I couldn't be more proud of her then ever before! I love seeing the amazing young lady she is turning into and I know she has SO much in store for her down the road.
This type of pride is the greatest (next to being proud of your own children I'm sure).

I have recently once again (with the help of our Lord and the people closest's to me.) defeated a past mistake, I didn't give in and run back forgetting all the hurtful things that were said and done. Instead I did every possible thing to keep it from coming back. 

Pride can get dangerous, when you start to think you can do anything on your own it's then you look around and you find yourself in a hole with no way out and in most cases no one there to help you out, after all you can do anything! 

The Aftermath, Blessings and Chocolate.

A. The Aftermath;
     The aftermath of this last month is hard to digest, I spent the last month preparing, going to and returning from Japan.

What do I do with what I saw? 

What did I learn?
How do I apply it to my life?
How do I tell others about it?

You can't even begin to describe what happened there, its beyond what you can imagine. My heart goes out to all those nameless faces, people I have never met. They lost everything and in some cases everyone!

B. Blessings;
     "I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak. And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35

We cant expect to be continually blessed without doing anything... It's like rewarding a child who never does anything. As I get older I understand more and more how a parents mind works. When their children do "good" things for them (or someone else), it pleases them and in that they want to bless their children. The Lord works in the same way with us. When we do things for others in a selfless way the Lord blesses us, in many different ways.



C. Chocolate;
     In the last month or two I have been craving chocolate like it is going out of style. Some might say this is no where out of the ordinary. But for me, IT IS! 
Most days the thought of an excessive amount of chocolate gives me a sugar high and makes me want to puke just thinking about it! 
After little research I have learned that, 
A. my body is lacking vitamin B 
     or
B. I have become addicted to chocolate like a heroin addict is addict to heroin, a caffeine addict is addicted to caffeine or like a pot head is addicted to marijuana.

I'm going to go with A :)

Emotional Hunger.

So I left off last nights blog with a sense of hopelessness.
While I have always known this, It just seems I need to be reminded of it continually, tonight during worship we sang the song, Hungry. I realized once again, I am just hungry for our Lords love, I deprive myself of something I love so much, something that brings me joy and happiness, something so refreshing, the only thing that keeps me sane.
If only I could remember to surrender the emotions I dont know how to deal with to the Lord, and let Him deal with them, doing this will allow me to live freely, to love and be loved!


Hungry, I come to you
For I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for you
So I wait for You

I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me

Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know
Your touch restores my life

So I wait for you
So I wait for You

I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

Emotionless

At times I find my self with the feelings and emotions of a robot, nonexistent!
I tend to put up a wall and block anything from coming in and anything from going out, I believe this to be a defense mechanism. Ever since I was little I have always been uncomfortable letting people know how I feel, what I am thinking, what scares me, and even what excites me. I have become really good at being a brick wall and not letting people see past the look on my face. I have gotten so good at it at times I even have myself fooled. I start to become angry and cold, I distance myself from everyone that is anyone to me. I just want to find a reason to cry and empty my emotional tank.

What Do I Want?

I want to be a mystery, yet be known
I want to be together, yet alone
Is it too much to ask, To be famous yet unknown?
To be a wanderer, yet have a home?
My insecurity makes me sick,
Yet my confidence makes me thick
Can I be harmless, yet grip the stick,
Be completely smooth yet have a nick?
Can I live in a lie, yet be true
Can I be unique, yet so like you?
Have no control, yet know what to do?
Can I be ugly, yet beautiful too?
Answer me, I need your help,
Can you help me or someone else?
I need your help, can't you see,
Are you even listening to me?

by: Kara Douglas

Our Fathers Love.

 How Deep Our Fathers Love For Us.

"How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will nost boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom"

This song just reminds me about how serious our salvation is and how we need to not take it so lightly.
 The last few weeks I have just wanted to escape into the mountains with my friends and the Lord and rediscover His goodness, We get so distracted be the things of this world and our eyes and hearts get pulled away from Him so suddenly it seems, but in reality it takes time and we gradually drift away. But I love how we can return so suddenly if we are willing.
I have just been missing the old days when things were simple and out biggest worry was if our clothes matched or if we were going to get caught passing notes, we didn't have to worry about the issues of life, like money, what choices we make and how they will effect our life in 5, 10 or 15 years from now.
Simplicity and gratefulness are two things I hope and pray I will never loose! 

Half full or half empty?

This blog may be the most generic thing I have ever posted, but it is how I feel right now, generic!


So on that note, lately I have been looking at the glass half full! 
Even if you think you see the end in sight, or even if you think it wont last forever, why not enjoy what you do have left of it? 
It seems pointless to look at the glass half empty, unless of course it is something you don't enjoy then by all means, look at it half empty! :) 
But if it something that you enjoy and something that makes you happy or feel great inside why not enjoy it? 


Who knows, maybe you have unlimited refills and you just don't know it yet, so enjoy whatever you may have in your glass until it is gone and maybe, just maybe someone will come by and refill your glass:)

Three years old & Successful.

So today I was told I would get along great with a 3 year old.. I decided to take that as "hey my 3 year old son is super mature I think you guys would relate really well", But in all honesty, it was "wow you are so weird, you and my son who will randomly dance would get along great!" But thats ok too, I take that as a compliment, cause as we grow up and "mature" we tend to lose sight of the simple things in life, kids are a good reference point as to wait life is all about, life isn't about who has the nicest car or the newest home or the best job, life is about family and friends and the happiness that all brings. Don't get me wrong, a nice car, a new home and the best job aren't bad things to have, I mean I want those things as much as everyone else. But how long do those things last? Not as long as the memories of the fun times we had with people we love and care about. Take time to make those memories and enjoy your life on your way to success.
Some people might say this is irresponsible and immature, but I believe those are the people who have never had the opportunities to enjoy life and over time start to believe that fun is for people that are going no where in life and while they may be sitting there looking down on me and feeling sorry for me, its them I feel sorry for, while they watch me live my life.
So to anyone reading this, don't miss out on the opportunities to spends time with your kids, your nieces and nephews, your parents, your siblings, and most of all your friends!

 

Death and Life Lessons

Death is never a easy thing to deal with, no matter how close you are or aren't with the person.
Tomorrow would have been my Grandmas birthday, and today will make it a year since my best friends, Grandma passed away, so it is kind of fresh on my mind this week.
As the clock ticks and the days go by it gets a little easier and in time you don't even think about it, but sometimes maybe a smell, or activity, a place, a show, or even something as precious as a memory will bring them back and make you feel like they where here just yesterday. Everyone deals with death in their own personal way.. But no matter how we deal with it, its there to deal with it.

Its has only been 2 months and 2 weeks that I have had to learn how to deal with this, at times it feels like a life time and other times it feels like a day, I am not claiming to be expert I actually feel as if I know nothing about this and I honestly don't know why I am even blogging about it. But I have been thinking, what should I do tomorrow, should I go and be alone and reminisce her life, should I cry, should I be happy for the time I had with her, I still don't know what to do, I want to do what would be most beneficial for myself---does that make me selfish or smart?

What I am learning from all of this is life is uncertain and we may not know what "the best thing" is, but if you know its not wrong, why not just do it? Just do it and if it doesn't work out, don't do it again, or try it a different way.

Life can have a strange way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn, but if we learn from them the first time, chances are we wont have to watch or listen to the lesson again.
(I dont know what that has to do with anything I talked about, but it sounds good and I believe thats its true.)

Changes and Desires

Its funny how when you think you have moved on in life and let the dust settle in a certain area, it never fails that some one strolls up and awakens all those feeling and emotions. No matter how much time you think you need to get over something, its never enough. I believe there are certain things in life we will never get over, we are just suppose to learn from them and not let them have power over us the way they used to. 

Recently some emotions resurfaced that I thought where buried for forever, I honestly was surprised at the feelings that came flooding back into my heart and the memories that rushed into my mind after the horrible things that where said and the damage that was done in the past. I don't fully understand how you can forgive someone over and over again and give them chance after chance hoping that something you say or something you do will soon change them, but in all reality if you are honest with yourself you know they wont ever change, sometimes you are the one afraid of the change so you keep yourself in this unhealthy situation hoping the other person will do the changing so you don't have to. 

Change can be the best feelings sometimes, it may be uncomfortable to start, but I believe once you start, change just might be addicting and what you have been searching for this whole time! 

I am not really sure what I am really trying to say.. I think I am just so surprised that even though all those emotions and memories came back to me, I had no desire to return to them, I had no desire to try to say something in hopes that the person would change so I didn't have to, for the first time I realized I am free from the emotional bondage that kept me wanting more. I am not saying that I have overcome this situation, it is possible I will have to fight this battle for the rest of my life, I just hope with the help from our Lord that I will be able to continue to have no desire to go back to that time in my life.